Succubus Shadows Chapter 15

It was 1942, and I was in France.I didnt unavoidableness to be in France. I hadnt wanted to be in that location for the last fifty years, yet roughlyhow, Bastien unplowed talking me into staying. There was withal the sm wholly fact that our supervising archdemon didnt want us to go. He standardisedd the vogue we worked to charterher. Incubus-succuba teams were hit or miss sometimes, save we were exceptional, and our superiors had taken note. It was good for our hellish careers undecomposed now not for my morale.Bastien didnt see what my problem was. endocarp doesnt even need us here, he told me one day, after Id complained for like the thousandth time. Think of it as a vacation. Hordes of souls are being damned here every(prenominal) day.I walked over to the window of our brand and peered kayoed onto the busy road, pressing my hands against the glass. Bicyclists and pedestrians moved past, everyone needing to get somewhere and get there fast. It could hand over been a ny ordinary weekday in Paris, precisely this was no ordinary day. nothing had been ordinary since the Germans had occupied France, and the scatter soldiers in the street stood out to me like candles in the night.Bad simile, I thought. Candles implied some kind of apply or light. And piece Paris had fared better than most people realized under Nazi rule, something in the city had changed. The zilch, the spiritwhatever you wanted to call it, it had a taint to me. Bastien express I was crazy. most(prenominal) people were however living their daily lives. The food shortages werent as stinky here as in other places. And after shape-shifting into Aryan nation poster children with blond pig and blue look, we were more or less left alone.Bastien was passive overtaking on about my glum mood while he moved about and straightened hat displays in my periphery. Hed chosen millinery as his profession for this identity, one that worked lovingnessy for meeting well-to-do Parisian wo hands. I played the role of his sister as I so often did in other scenarios helping with the store and view asing house for him. It was better than dance halls or brothels, which had been our previous occupations in France.What about your friend? Bastien asked me slyly. Young Monsieur Luc?At the mention of Luc, I paused in my demoralise assessment of the human outside the hat shop. If I was going to talk about candles in the night, wherefore Luc was mine. A real one. He was a human Id met recently, working with his father a violin setr. Their mess had suffered even more than ours, as the market for luxury items shriveled in these lean times. that Luc neer seemed to allow their financial woes affect him. Whenever I saw him, he was always cheerful, always full of hope. The free weight of so more centuries of sin and darkness were starting to take their toll on me, and being in Paris only make it worse. Yet, Luc was a wonder to me. Being able to watch at the world with su ch optimism, with such conviction that good would prevailwell, it was a foreign concept. One I was intrigued by. I couldnt stay away from it.Lucs different, I admitted, finally handing from the window. Hes not part of this.Bastien snorted and leaned against the wall. Theyre all part of this, Fleur. Fleur was his long-time call for me over the years, no matter what identity I assumed. I dont suppose youve slept with him yet?My answer was to turn away again and remain silent. No, I hadnt slept with Luc. I wanted to, though. I wanted to with the instincts of a fair sex who had fallen for a man, as well as the craving of a succubus to consume the brawniness and taste the soul of someone so good. I had never hesitated before. This was the kind of thing Id always seek out. It was even my job. But something inside of me was changing. Maybe it was these bleak times, but whenever I looked at Luc and saw that laurels radiating from him and his upriseing love and trust in me I precis ely couldnt do it.Hes coming by tonight, I said at last, dodging the question. Were going for a walk.Oh, said Bastien. I see. A walk. Thats certain(p) to impress Theodosia. Theodosia was our archdemoness.I turned prat around sharply, glaring at Bastien. Its none of your business what I do I exclaimed. Besides, if this is the vacation you claim it is, I shouldnt need to secure a good soul.Souls are locomote left and dear around here, he agreed. But youve still got to turn one in every once in a while. You cant spend the rest of your existence only going after bad ones.I didnt speak to him for the rest of the day, and fortunately, business picked up quite a bit in the afternoon. It kept us both busy, though I counted down the minutes until Luc showed up that evening. He gave polite greetings to my brother, and hence I hustled us out of there so that I wouldnt pee to see the knowing look in Bastiens eyes.Luc could pretend passed for my brother too with his sunny golden hair. He a lways smiled when he looked at me, making small crinkle lines around the blue eyes I fancifully likened to sapphires. He held my beef up as we passed through the evening crowd, filled with those going home after work or maybe pursuit nighttime entertainment. He told me I looked beautiful, and we talked of other inconsequential things the weather, neighborhood gossip, day-to-day affairsWe cease up at a small city park that was a popular spot for others seeking evening strolls before curfew. We found a relatively secluded area among some trees and settled onto the grass. Luc had been carrying a small basket the entire time and violateed its contents pastries and a bottle of wine. He didnt have unneeded money to throw around for that kind of thing, but I knew better than to protest. It was already make. Whatever else hed had to impart in return would be well worth it, as far as he was concerned.He had another surprise for me as well a book. He and I were always trading novels mainstay and forth, and as I lay down against the grass, skimming through the pages, a strange yet cordially peace blossomed within me.Next time you should bring your violin, I said, setting the book down. I want to hear you play again.He stretched out beside me, his hand finding mine. We laced our fingers together and watched the sky grow purple. Not out here, he said. I dont want a public concert.Youd charm them all, I said. The alone city would line up and dance at your command, just like the pied piper.He laughed, the lead recording as golden as his hair or even the sun itself. And then what would I do with them?Line them up and send them all away so that we can be alone.We are alone, he said, laughing again. Sort of.I rolled to my side and leaned over him. Shadows from the surrounding trees enclosed us. Alone enough.I brought my lips down and kissed him, surprising both of us. I hadnt meant to do it. Wed never kissed before. Id held myself back from him, earning all that ch astising from Bastien. I could never bring myself to take Lucs energy and shorten his life. Yet, something came over me just then. It might have been my earlier aged mood or the feelings that were eerily like love within me. Whatever it was, being a succubus didnt matter just then.Well, it didnt until his energy started flowing into me. Our kissing grew more intense, our lips full of demand. His soul shone so brightly that even that one kiss was enough to taste his energy. It was glorious. My whole body thrilled to both it and his touch.He wrapped his arm around my waist, and without conscious thought, I began unbuttoning his shirt. He rolled me over so that I was the one on my back now and moved his mouth down to my neck. The knee-length skirts of this time gave him promiscuous access to run his hand up my leg, and I pressed myself closer to him, pulling at his vesture while his hungry lips moved farther and farther down. All the while, that beautiful life filled me. I was drow ning in it.When his lips reached the spot between my breasts, something seemed to jolt him to reality. He pulled up from me, running his hand over my hair as he looked down into my eyes.Oh God, he said. We cant do this. Not now. The mantra of moral men everywhere.We can, I said, impress at the pleading in my own voice. It was the affection I entangle for him speaking, not any docket of Hells. I wanted needed him to be closer to me.He sighed. Suzette, Suzette. I want to. But I want us to get married. I cant do this cant do this to you unless I know youll be my wife. It isnt right otherwise.I stared up at him, uncertainty interfering with my desire. Are youare you proposing to me?Luc thought about it for a moment and then grinned again, giving me another of those radiant smiles that never failed to make my heart race. Yes. I shooting I am. Wed have to wait a modest bit wait until I had more money. But when the wars over, things will get better.This wars never going to be ove r, some gloomy part of me thought. But just now, that wasnt the real issue. His wanting to marry me was. It was impossible, of course. I could theoretically shape-shift so that I aged with him, all the while acquire succubus sex on the side. Some succubi did that, having countless husbands over the centuries. Most didnt even flap around. They just disappeared. Their marital vows meant nothing.Looking at him now, at that burning love in his eyes, I felt my heart torn in two. If I said yes, he would wrap me up again and make love to me. If I said no, he wouldnt not out of spite, but because of what was honorable. This could be so easy. dictate yes. Promise Id marry him and take him now. I could fulfill my hearts longing, my bodys longing, and keep my good standing with Hell. I could egress after we were married. Or, easier still, break off the engagement.All I had to do was give him a dishonest yes. excite to him wasnt right without that. Really, it was a wonder he didnt insist on waiting until marriage. The commitment was apparently enough. He believed in me. He believed I was a good, honest person. If I said I love him and would be true to him forever, then he would accept that. Just say yes.But the words stuck in my throat. I couldnt lie to him. I couldnt let him find out how base I really was. And as his gradual life energy burned inside me, I realized I couldnt steal more from him. The viciousness of what Id done already was hitting me tough. It had only been the barest taste, but it had clipped time off of his life. And if I did back out of marriage after wed had sex, hed think what wed done had been wrong. A sin. A black mark on his soul.I slid out from under him and sat up. No, I said. I cant marry you.His happy face remained unchanged. It doesnt have to be now. And it doesnt even have to beabout this. He gestured to where Id just been lying in the grass. deal I said, we couldnt get married for a while anyway.No, I repeated, my heart sinking. I cantI cant marry you. Ever. I cant offend you. I care about you too much. I cant take your light from the world.He must have seen something in my face, something that drove home the truth of my words. That smile faded. The sun disappeared canful clouds. My heart broke. I hastily stood up, suddenly unable to look at him. What was wrong with me? I didnt know. All I knew was that I couldnt stay there. I couldnt stay there and see him hurting. If I did, I would start sobbing. As it was, I could feel tears starting to sting my eyes.Suzette, waitI hurried away but before long heard him coming behind me. Even after my rejection, he didnt sound angry. He was concerned, maladjusted about me. I hated that even more. I wish Id driven him into a rage. But, no, even something like thisit would hurt him, yet he would respect both me and my choice.Which was why I had to stay away from him. Not just now, but always. I knew now that I couldnt be around someone I cared about. I couldnt stand th e thought of causing pain to a loved one. I couldnt stand the thought of raise a good soul. Somewhere, somehow, after centuries of blithely harming others, I had gone horribly awry as a succubus. How? When? With Niccol?? Was it just the gradual sum of all the lives and souls Id harmed finally taking a toll on me?I was headed back for the hat shop. Bastien and I lived above it. I could still hear Luc following me, calling out to me that everything was okay. I knew if I made it inside, he wouldnt fill out barging in after me. Hed probably knock courteously at the door but would go away if Bastien told him to.I took a shortcut, cutting behind some buildings off the main road. I knew the way well, but it was dark now, limiting my vision enough that I didnt see the soldier until I ran straight into him. He was standing so still and so solidly that it was like Id accidentally run into one of the buildings walls. I bounced back, and he caught me by the raise.Easy there, he said. His Fre nch had a heavy German accent but was articulated well. Youll hurt yourself.He was a goliath of a man, young and not unattractive. I couldnt quite tell in the fading light, but his invariant made me think he was an officer of some sort. He was smiling down at me and hadnt let go of my shoulder.Thank you, I said demurely. I tried to step back gracefully, but his mesmerise was strong.You shouldnt be out here at all, he added. Its dangerous. Especially with curfew coming. Curfew was nowhere near coming, despite the darkening sky. He looked me over as he spoke. My skirt had fallen back into place while running, but several buttons on my blouse had come undone with Luc and hadnt been fixed. It provided a pretty good vantage on my bra and cleavage.My house is just over there, I said. Ill just Ill just go now.The hand on my shoulder stayed locked where it was, but his other hand had slipped through the opening in my blouse and was tracing the shape of my breast. Great. After all the d eep and traumatic revelations Id had tonight about the cursed life of a succubus, the last thing I needed was a Nazi feeling me up.Scratch that. There was something worse.Let her go.Lucs voice rang out behind me, and I winced. Id hoped Id lost him in the chase, but if he had seen me coming in this direction, he could have made a pretty good guess about which path I was taking home.Walk away, said the officer. This has nothing to do with you.Lucs fists were balled up. Let her go, he repeated. I wont tell you again.The officer laughed, but it was a harsh, severe sound. You wont tell me anything.I tried my best to peer at Luc while still in that hard grip. Go, I told him. Itll be all right. Ill be okay.Smart girl, said the German.Luc lunged at him, and I was shoved out of the way as the two men grappled with each other. I stared in horror. Everything happened so quickly that my brain barely had time to even register what I was seeing. Luc was strong and fast, but the other guy was hu ge and had a knife. I saw it flash briefly in what light was left, and then Lucs body went rigid. The officer stepped back, foolish the blade out of Lucs stomach as he did.I shrieked and tried to run toward him, but the Nazis arm stopped me, grabbing hold of me once more. Lucs hands clutched at his stomach as blood flowed from it. He looked down at it in disbelief, like he was waiting for a punch line to reveal itself, and then he collapsed to the ground. I tried again to break free of my captor but couldnt. Lucs eyes gazed up at me, though his lips couldnt human body any words as he lay there in that terrible agony, the life pouring out of his body.There, said the German officer, pulling me so that I was pressed against his chest. His knife had disappeared to wherever it had come from, and the hand that had held it the hand that had stabbed Luc was reaching under my shirt again. straight there are no more distractions.I heard Luc make a strangled sound as the officer ripped o pen the last of my buttons. Enough of my numbed shock wore off that I remembered I could bout back here. I could shape-shift to twice this guys size and Thunk. The Nazis head lurched forward as something struck him from behind. His hold on me released, and he fell to the ground unconscious. Bastien stood behind him holding a hat block a heavy, travel wooden object used for constructing hats.Id know your scream anywhere, he said.I had no time for his jest or to offer thanks. I dropped to my knees beside Luc and pulled off my blazer, frantically trying to use it to stop the bleeding. He was still conscious, and his eyes were on my face, still full of that hope and love that was so characteristic of him. Bastien knelt beside me, face solemn.No human medicine can fix this, Fleur, he said quietly.I know. Id known as soon as Id seen Luc fall. It was why I hadnt sent Bastien to get help. Oh God. This cant be happening.Itsall right. Lucs words were barely audible, and I had a feeling he was choking on blood. Youre safeall that matters He coughed again, and this time I did see blood near his lips.No, no, I said. It wasnt worth it. It wasnt worth it. None of this should have happenedIt was my fault. All my fault. Luc had come to save me from the German. Id run into the German because Id fled from Luc. And Id fled from Luc because Id suddenly latched on to a moral high ground and refused to have sex with him. If Id just given inif Id just said Id marry him and taken him like a succubus should have, this never would have happened. We would have been lying in the grass right now, naked in each others arms. Instead, hed died in this alley because of me, because of my weakness. I was a succubus whod tried to act human and Id done a shitty job at both.Luc was beyond speech now. Everything was said with his eyes as he gazed at me, like I was some angel sent to carry him home. Bastien nudged me.Fleur, hes going to stay live a little while. You know how long stomach wounds take. Its agony.I know, I growled, choking off a sob. You dont need to tell me.Bastiens voice was grave. You can stop it. Ease his suffering.I stared at Bastien incredulously. What do you pass judgment me to do? Go get that knife and finish him?He shook his head. Hes only got a little life left, Fleur. Only a little. You wont need to do much.I didnt get it right away. When I did, I felt my eyes go wide. NoI cantHe dies regardless, said Bastien. You can make it double-quicksweeterI was still shaking my head, but Bastiens words had penetrated. He was right. He was right, and I hated him because he was right. Turning from Bastien, I looked back at Luc, whose brow Id been stroking with my hand. His gaze was still turned upward, still at me. A drop of water fell on his cheek, and I realized it was one of my tears.Good-bye, Luc, I said softly. It seemed like I should say a million other things to him, but I couldnt form the words. So, instead, I leaned down and brought my lips to his. I pressed against them, making full contact, though it had none of the animal rut from before. This was gentler. A whisper of a kiss.But as Bastien had said, it didnt take much. The beautiful, silvery sweetness of his life energy flowed into me. It was just as pure and perfect as before and it was gone quickly. I took it into me and sat up, just as Luc exhaled his last breath. The eyes that had watched me so adoringly saw nothing now. I sat up and leaned against Bastien.I killed him, I said, no longer holding the tears back.You brought him peace. You were his angel. It was an eerie echo of my earlier sentiments.No, thisI mean, before. He shouldnt have been out here. Hes here becausebecause of me. If Id slept with him, this wouldnt have happened. But I couldnt. I didnt want to hurt himdidnt want to taint himand then this happened.Bastien put his arm around me. If it makes you feel better, his soul wont be going to our people.I buried my face in his shoulder. This is my fault. My fau ltI should have done what I was speculate to do. I was ready to then he asked me to marry him and damn it. I should have done it. I should have lied. It would have been better for everyone. I dont know how this happened.It happened because you get too close to them, said Bastien. He was stern but trying hard to be gentle. Men like thisanyone like thisthey enchant you, Fleur. You get attached and then you get hurt.Or I hurt them, I murmured.You need to stay indifferent.Its getting worse, I said. Every time, its harder on me. I dont understand. Whats happening to me? Whats wrong with me?Immortality, he said wisely. Too many years.What do you know? Youre younger than me.Bastien helped me stand, though I was reluctant to let Luc go. I know that you cant keep doing this. Listen to what I said dont get attached to these good ones. No matter what you do, it wont end well.I wont go near the good ones at all, I said in a small voice. No more. Im staying away from them altogether.Bastiens kindly mien dropped. Thats ridiculous, he scoffed. Werent you listening to me earlier? You cant go after immoral men for eternity. Youd get no energy. Youd have to do it every other day.I looked down at Luc, Luc who had loved me and gotten killed for me. My fault. All my fault.Never again, I said. I wont ever hurt anyone like that again.When I returned to the box in the dark, I didnt need the Oneroi to enlighten me. All of that dream had been true except for the last part. It had been a lie. I had continued to hurt people, over and over.